100 days of Obama's Facebook wall

Slate posted this hilarious faux Facebook page of Barack Obama's first 100 days. Love it.

The silver-tongued smoothness of today's youth

Overheard in New York yesterday on the bus:

Ganster Wannabe-Attired Teen (on cellphone): I love you.

PAUSE

GWAT: Yeah, well even if you had big long-ass teeth and muthafuckin' baggy pants, I'd still say the same damn thing.

Spike TV's "Deadliest Warrior" show

I am somewhat embarrassed to admit this, but I love the new show "Deadliest Warrior" on Spike TV. Yes, the Man Channel. Manchel?

The premise is that they test the weaponry of two types of warriors on each show and decide whose weaponry is the deadliest. The first was Gladiator vs. Apache. Then there was Viking against Samurai. Today's repeat that I caught was Spartan battling Ninja. And I was enthralled with the violence.

On their website are lots of fun videos showing the tests. They rig up a dummy like the one in the above picture getting intimate with a Morning Star. It's constructed from ballistic gel to be similar to human flesh and bone. They also test on pig carcasses. In fact they cut one almost in half with a ninja sword today. Nice. They bring in experts in those particular styles of fighting and they talk trash to each other. The guys get all technical with computer calibrations and speed measuring devices and so on. Finally, they gather all the data and have the computer run 1,000 fights and it decides who would be the deadliest.

Here's the link to the above video of the dummy being brained by a Morning Star. I'm telling you, the slow motion replay is just addicting. I don't know if I can look at Lifetime for Women the same any more.

I just met Woody Allen

I was walking my friend's dog Whiskey on 70th between Park and Lex just now, and he was sniffing and sniffing so as I was standing there waiting for him to finish sniffing, I noticed Woody Allen and Soon-Yi also standing around. They were checking out a townhouse across the street that is under construction and noticed me noticing them. As we passed each other I couldn't resist. I said, "I thought I recognized you guys, looking at both of them, and then I told him, "I love your work, it's so great, thank you," and he was so gracious and he smiled and said, "Thanks!" with what sounded like genuine appreciation, not with a God-I-hear-this-all-the-time-and-it's-so-tiring-to-say-thanks tone. Which made me feel good, little film-appreciating plebian that I am.

They are super teeny-tiny and he was dressed in one of his fishing hats and a khaki jacket. They looked like a happy couple.

New York City's fake beaches

Why one should never live in New York City if one is a beach bum . . .

Water Taxi Beach to open outposts at South Street Seaport, Governors Island
By Jason Fink

New Yorkers looking for a day at the beach this summer will have two new options: Lower Manhattan and Governors Island.

New York Water Taxi, which created the seasonal 44,000-square-foot “beach” in Long Island City in 2005, will open smaller replicas, at South Street Seaport on Memorial Day weekend and at the north end of Governors Island on July 4.

The beach in Queens, which features trucked-in sand, picnic tables, a volleyball court, food and a bar, will also open on Memorial Day weekend.

The 18,000-square-foot beach at the seaport, on the north side of Pier 17, will have a mini golf course in addition to food and drink concessions.

The Governors Island beach - a converted parking lot - will have a basketball court, live music on weekends, and will be accessible by ferry from the Battery Maritime Building and New York Water Taxi.

Swimming is prohibited at all the beaches.

What about the Geneva Conventions, Mr. President?

"Guantanamo Bay Prisoner" by Banksy

"You asked me once," said O'Brien, "what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world."

"The worst thing in the world," said O'Brien, "varies from individual to individual. It may be burial alive, or death by fire, or by drowning, or by impalement, or fifty other deaths. There are cases where it is some quite trivial thing, not even fatal."
~
George Orwell, 1984

The ACLU got its wish and Obama released the Bush administration's "torture memos" to the public. These detail the sick tactics used at Abu Ghraib, Gulag Guantanamo and elsewhere that had Cheney and Rumsfeld licking their chops with excitement.

Former CIA inspector general Fred Hitz told Voice of America, "I was appalled. When you read through it it's sort of like it's a memo out of some science fiction movie. It's like you're reading a manual that would have been more appropriate during the Nazi era than in the United States of America."

Although I am a big fan of Obama, I am disappointed that he's letting the CIA torture team off the hook. 95 year-old Nazis are still hauled into court. Pol Pot's regime used waterboarding. Yet our President wants to simply "reflect?" on illegal torture? Shiny surfaces reflect. If you want to uphold something, Mr. President, put down the mirror and pick up a copy of the Geneva Conventions. Uphold those.

It states in the third Convention against Torture, and basic precepts of customary international law—each country has the obligation to investigate and prosecute persons alleged to have committed torture and other violations of the laws of war.

Anderson Cooper had a great segment last night on this topic. Very much worth watching.

COOPER: Well, we've seen the pictures from Abu Ghraib, of course, when we've heard the stories of brutality and abuse. And while we can't confirm the numbers, an AP report says at least 108 detainees held by U.S. forces in Iraq and Afghanistan have died in American custody; most reportedly died violently.
A quarter of those deaths were investigated as a result of possible abuse by U.S. personnel. That report was from 2005. We don't have numbers after that.

And as we told you before the break, the Justice Department released the memos detailing interrogation techniques endorsed by the Bush administration from the very top. CIA operatives though, who carried out those techniques will not face prosecution.

In a statement released today, President Obama said, quote, "This is a time for reflection, not retribution. Nothing will be gained by spending our time and energy laying blame for the past."

Um, yes it would. That something to be gained is justice. As in the Department that authorized the torture to begin with. We need to hold accountable those responsible for the war crimes they committed, starting with that schmucky, torture-loving Alberto Gonzales -- who's now enjoying what looks like a really successful lecture circuit.

No, Cougar, that wasn't Shakespeare

"A pool boy! A pool boy! Haha, watching it online . . . I love how they call her the cougar. And one of the guys is unemployed!"
~ Text message received just now from a girlfriend after discussing with her last night how stupid this show would probably be. And we were right!

I saw this poster a couple of weeks ago in the Times Square subway station. It was so bad it was good, both the poster and the show's debut last night. My brother-in-law came back from the gym halfway through the episode and as he walked past the TV, he thought the 40 year-old cougar was hot. After watching the show for a few minutes, brother-in-law decided that Coogs, although hot, was "dumb." Uh-yuh.

And I felt the same about the 20 year-old cubs, and as much as I like the youngins . . . meh. Most were dorky, prepubescent, and sort of dull. Not what I'd call any great cougar hunters. There are a couple that don't seem bad, but out of twenty potential mates, that's not saying much. One was drunkenly belligerent and almost started a fight with another guy. And yeah, there's the obligatory pool boy, snowboard instructor, personal trainer, martial arts instructor, and a slew of bartenders. The usual reality show XY chromosome fare.

The best moment of the evening, as hard as it is to narrow them all down, was when a guy named Colt (for real, Colt) whips out his acoustic guitar at the very first introduction to Coogs. Accompanying his strumming, he sings some atrociously bad albeit rhyming poetry he's written just for her. The Cougar's response:

"Was that Shakespeare?"

The CNN newscaster without pupils. WTF?

Instead of reading the New York Times this morning as usual, I watched CNN for a change of pace. I had never seen this newscaster before. Her name is Heidi Collins. What the hell is wrong with her eyeballs? The woman has no pupils! Even in my groggy, pre-caffeinated state, I dug for the camera because this was just too weird.



Even on her CNN web page photo, her pupils are bizarre. But instead of glowing weirdly white, they are zombielike dead black. I'm truly baffled by this ocular mystery.

The reason Somali fishermen became pirates

(photo: AP)

“Somebody is dumping nuclear material here. There is also lead, and heavy metals such as cadmium and mercury - you name it.” ~Ahmedou Ould-Abdallah, the UN envoy to Somalia

There are two sides to every story, but the cause of Somalia's piracy problem is barely discussed in the media. In January, Kenyan analyst Mohamed Abshir Waldo wrote a paper entitled “The Two Piracies in Somalia: Why the World Ignores the Other?” That is a very good question.

I decided to write this blog when I received an email yesterday from a yachtie friend who'd gone ashore in Djbouti, just north of Somalia.



She writes:

Personally, I have a certain amount of sympathy for the Somalian "Robin Hood's." After finishing a job on an expedition boat I got off in Djibouti to see the country and maybe go into Ethiopia. I hitched a lift with a group of French navy pilots going up to Lac Abby. It was an amazing adventure! They were the crew of the new French spy plane that is permanently patrolling those waters. They know everything that is going on! Information that could be used to avoid piracy situations? They found the 4 French "tourists" that were kidnapped in the Yemen. Orwell's "Newspeak" is found here. I think this is a power play whose main player is not yet clear.

There is a perversity in protecting the very commercial interests that have driven a country into abject poverty. Orwell's "doublethink" is found here. There are two refugee camps in Djibouti, that are the largest in the world, both cardboard cities are dependent on just two stand pipes and charity, supplemented by the prostitution of the women to the servicemen who are station there.

The connection is our humanity.....or our gradually increasing detachment from it!

In a nutshell, other countries have been illegally fishing Somali waters, taking crab, lobster, and fish that the Somali fishermen exclusively used to gather. Even worse, there is proof that European toxic waste is being dumped, much of which washed ashore after the 2005 tsunami, sickening livestock and people, and killing three hundred. Yet the U.N. does nothing.

Here are some excerpts from Mohamed Abshir Waldo's paper:

. . . massive illegal foreign fishing piracy [has] been poaching and destroying the Somali marine resources for the last 18 years following the collapse of the Somali regime in 1991. With its usual double standards when such matters concern Africa, the “international community” comes out in force . . . against the Somali fishermen pirates while discreetly protecting the numerous Illegal, Unreported and Unregulated (IUU) fishing fleets there from Europe, Arabia and the Far East.

The countries engaged include practically all of southern Europe, France, Spain, Greece, UK. Nowadays I hear even Norway. There were not many Scandinavians before, but Norwegian fishing now is involved in this, you know, very profitable fishing business. So, there are others, of course. There are Russian. There are Taiwanese. There are Philippines. There are Koreans. There are Chinese. You know, it’s a free-for-all coast.

One report estimated that more than $300 million dollars-worth of tuna, shrimp, and lobster are being stolen every year by illegal trawlers. The local fishermen are now starving.

“IUU fishing is detrimental to the wider marine ecosystem because it flouts rules designed to protect the marine environment which includes restrictions to harvest juveniles, closed spawning grounds and gear modification designed to minimize by-catch on non-target species….In so doing they steal an invaluable protein source from some of the world’s poorest people and ruin the livelihoods of some legitimate fishermen; incursions by trawlers into the inshore areas reserved for artisanal [as opposed to commercial] fishing can result in collision with local fishing boats, destruction of fishing gear and deaths of fishermen” says the High Seas Task Force (HSTF). In its report, Closing the Net: Stopping Illegal Fishing on the High Seas, HSTF puts worldwide value of IUU catches at $4 to $9 billion, large part of it from Sub-Sahara Africa, particularly Somalia.

Not only are other countries pillaging Somalia's waters, they are dumping toxic waste. This excerpt comes from a columnist for the London Independent:

As soon as the government was gone, mysterious European ships started appearing off the coast of Somalia, dumping vast barrels into the ocean. The coastal population began to sicken. At first they suffered strange rashes, nausea and malformed babies. Then, after the 2005 tsunami, hundreds of the dumped and leaking barrels washed up on shore. People began to suffer from radiation sickness, and more than 300 died. Ahmedou Ould-Abdallah, the UN envoy to Somalia, tells me: "Somebody is dumping nuclear material here. There is also lead, and heavy metals such as cadmium and mercury - you name it." Much of it can be traced back to European hospitals and factories, who seem to be passing it on to the Italian mafia to "dispose" of cheaply. When I asked Ould-Abdallah what European governments were doing about it, he said with a sigh: "Nothing. There has been no clean-up, no compensation, and no prevention."

It seems that piracy will continue as long as the plundering of Somalia's waters is tolerated.

Mohamed Abshir Waldo concludes:

In their current operations, the Somali fishermen pirates genuinely believe that they are protecting their fishing grounds (both 12-mile territorial and EEZ waters). They also feel that they exacting justice and compensation for the marine resources stolen and the destroyed ecosystem by the IUUs. And their thinking is shared and fully supported by the coastal communities, whose protectors and providers they became.

Reagan was part of McCarthyism?

In the late 1940s or early 1950s during the height of the "Red Scare," Reagan ratted on fellow actors whom he believed were Communist sympathizers. From a 2001 Time Magazine article, via Digg:

It was revealed last week that the future President [was] a secret FBI informant, code name T-10. According to an article published in the San Jose Mercury News, documents obtained through the Freedom of Information Act indicate that Reagan and his first wife, Actress Jane Wyman, provided federal agents with the names of actors they believed were Communist sympathizers.

The FBI papers report that despite his work as an informant, Reagan disagreed with some of the tactics of organizations like the House Un- American Activities Committee. In one FBI interview, Reagan takes issue with a group of actors and producers attempting to fire any alleged Reds. Protests Reagan: "Do they expect us to constitute ourselves as a little FBI of our own and determine just who is a Commie and who isn't?"

What a hypocrite. Then again, this comes from a man who later categorized ketchup as a vegetable so public schools could serve it as such.

DEVGRU / Navy SEAL Team SIX save the day

U.S.S. Bainbridge, today's most popular vessel

"The world has become a much more dangerous place, and it's a problem that is getting worse all the time. We're all keenly aware that the ante has been upped."

~Joseph Murphy, who teaches anti-piracy tactics in his maritime security class at Massachusetts Maritime Academy, and -- ironically -- whose own son is first mate to Captain Richard Philips


With all the insanity off the coast of Somalia, it worries me a bit that my nephew is about to major in Marine Transportation at Massachusetts Maritime Academy this autumn. But it's reassuring to know that if something were to happen to him while he's in the middle of the ocean "towing shit," as he so eloquently refers to his future profession, the U.S. military has this kid's back.

Today, with President Obama's permission on the condition that the captain's life was in danger, the Navy took care of business sniper-style by killing three of the four pirates holding hostage Captain Richard Philips, who also learned the captaining ropes at Mass Maritime. According to Fox News,

They established clear head shots on all three pirates: one was visible through the front window, and the other two were revealing their heads through the top hatch, presumably to get fresh air. It would be their last breath.

President Obama later called several military officials, including Vice Admiral William McRaven, Commander of Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC). The Joint Special Ops commander overseas the Army's Delta Force, the Air Force's Intelligence Support Activity (ISA), other secret teams that have yet to be disclosed -- and the Navy SEALTeam SIX. Which means that these SEALS are today's badass heroes.



SEAL Team SIX is also known as DEVGRU, for Special Warfare Development Group. It was founded in 1980 by Dick Marcinko. His website says:

Marcinko sold the idea and was eventually tasked with creating and commanding SEAL Team SIX, the Navy’s first and only counter-terrorist command. SEAL Team SIX engaged in highly classified missions from Central America to the Middle East, the North Sea to Africa and beyond, and established itself as the world’s foremost counter-terrorism unit.

These pics are of Mr. Marcinko. Think he's gotten into a few fights in his special ops lifetime? His poor nose sure seems to alude to that.

I'm glad these guys were there for Captain Philips. There's a lot of info about DEVGRU here in case you want to learn a bit more about them.

Chia Obama

Look at it, in all its sprouting animated glory. I know.

Saw this on BoingBoing today. So there's a story behind this. Walgreen's decided to drop Chia Obama, and when they told the 76 year-old Chia Pet creator, Joe Pedott, he was bummed.

As reported here,

"I'm sick about it," Pedott, 76, said, disputing any suggestion that Chia Obama's Chia hair was mocking the Afro hairstyle.
"Obama had an Afro -- does that make him racist?" Pedott said. "So how the hell do you get racist out of it? And number one, you can give him a haircut."
Pedott said he is a Republican, but he voted for Obama and was just trying to do right by the new president.
"It's Americana," Pedott said. "I thought I would take the good name of Chia and support the good things that he's trying to do. ... That was a labor of love."
Pedott said he was so confident the Chia Obama was not offensive he even asked the Rev. Jesse Jackson to screen it when he ran into him recently at a Chicago eatery.
"He said, quote, 'I think this is a fine product,' end quote -- I have three witnesses," Pedott said.

Hey, he's got three witnesses. Personally I don't find Chia Obama racist. Doesn't anyone remember these?

Kumar Goes to White House

“…I’m going to be the associate director in the White House office of public liaison. They do outreach with the American public and with different organizations. They take out all of the red tape that falls between the general public and the White House.”

~Actor Kal Penn, a.k.a. Kumar

For real, Kumar, as in Goes to White Castle and Escapes from Guantanamo Bay, is now working for President Obama. I love this country.

Entertainment Weekly got the scoop first.

Variety writes:

Essentially, Penn will be working to forge alliances with the Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities and the arts community, mirroring some of his efforts as a relentless campaigner for Barack Obama before the election.

Little Pies and Sunshiney Days

The "Check Engine" light came on while I was borrowing my sister's car last week. Although she believes I was four-wheel driving through giant potholes while doing 70 miles an hour, I assured her I did nothing wrong. AutoZone provides free diagnostic to find out what the supposed "Check Engine" problem is, instead of spending thirty bucks at a mechanic who will then tell you, "Thank God you brought it in immediately, this is serious!" and then charges you thousands of dollars to change a light bulb or a fuse.

So she drives in the pouring rain to AutoZone today, and at this part of the story is where she takes over. Guest Blogger Amy writes:

I called first to make sure they really did the code check for free, and the guy who answered said Sure, yes, it is free, and we're open til 11pm. Now, it has been thundering and raining on and off in NYC all day, and when I walked in and inquired, the 2 workers at the counter asked whether I had been the one who called earlier. I agreed that indeed it had been me. The first worker inhaled like a comedian about to deliver a deadpan punchline and said with all seriousness,

"Well, we do do it for free, but not when it's raining," and I laughed at his jocularity. The second worker chimed in on the joke, "And we don't diagnose the codes when it's nighttime, either."

I chuckled again. And paused, waiting for the the expressions on their faces to change and one of them to retrieve the handheld, plug-in scanner machine hanging behind them on the wall. I realized in that split second that they weren't kidding. After questioning them, I got a bit peeved and I asked why they had not cautioned me over the phone earlier to wait for a clear day. When the first clerk replied that it wasn't raining when I called, all three of us looked toward the plate glass windows and looked at the rain pouring down. I said, "It's been raining off and on all day." His response was priceless.

"Listen, just go home, cuddle up, and make yourself a little pie. Come back tomorrow when it's sunshiney."

Coffee and cigarettes: now a luxury in NYC

Last night I was in midtown and went into a convenience store off of Madison and bought a cup of coffee (a small) and a pack of American Spirits.

The total was THIRTEEN DOLLARS.

Last June, a state tax hike increased the price of smokes by a whopping $1.25, making New York's cigarettes the most expensive in the U.S. And yesterday, the federal cigarette tax increased to $1.01. New Yorkers are now paying $5.26 in government fees for each pack of smokes! Like it's not expensive enough living in NYC.

I don't smoke like a fiend, in fact a pack will last me about three to four days. I enjoy an occasional cigarette, especially with a cup of coffee. . .


(a very cool film, by the way)

. . . and don't plan on being one of the three percent of smokers expected to quit due to the latest price hike.

I am now going to purchase my cigarettes directly from one of those online Native American reservation distributors. The government has gone a bit too far with their fervent smoker taxes. Enough is enough already. Instead of costing about $12 a pack, my smokes will instead set me back about five.

If you too want to try online purchasing, keep a few things in mind.

First, make sure the smokes are manufactured here in the U.S. Many of these online companies are not only not Native American, they are not even located in the states. Russian tobacco is the absolute shittiest, and the Euro stuff is pretty bad too.

Second, make sure the online company does not supply customers' purchasing info to the state, or you will get hit with a state tax bill. This could arrive in the mail months or even years after your online purchase, so beware. Verify the facts before you buy. And of course, pay with a credit card so if you do get stiffed -- which is known to happen with these online ciggie companies -- you have some recourse.

One company that seems legit is Smokes-Spirits. It is operated by an enrolled member of the Seneca Nation, and I called to verify that their cigarettes are all made in the U.S., that they are located here in America (in Salamanca, New York, actually), and that they do not report purchasing info to the state (which is not illegal, by the way).

Shocker: Dick Cheney has spies in Obama's administration

"[Cheney]’s much more formidable than people think. Got a rap clap memory. Understands bureaucracy much better, he’s been around forever, has had every job."
~Seymour Hersh

NPR's Terry Gross asked revered investigative journalist Seymour Hersh yesterday if more of Bush's people who are still working in Washington were coming forward with the truth about the terrible goings-on from that administration, now that the evil ones are no longer in power.

HERSCH: A a lot of people that had told me in the last year of Bush, “call me next, next February.” And, so far, even people who are out are still cherry because, you know, not so much Bush, but Cheney really is…he’s really smart..

NPR: Are you saying that you think Vice President Cheney is still having a chilling effect on people who might otherwise be coming forward?

HERSCH: HERSH: I’ll make it worse. I think he’s put people left. He’s put people back. They call it a stay behind. It’s sort of an intelligence term of art. When you leave a country and, you know, you’ve driven out the, you know, you’ve lost the war. You leave people behind. It’s a stay behind that you can continue to contacts with, to do sabotage, whatever you want to do. Cheney’s left a stay behind. He’s got people in a lot of agencies that still tell him what’s going on. Particularly in defense, obviously. Also in the NSA, there’s still people that talk to him. He still knows what’s going on. Can he still control policy up to a point? Probably up to a point, a minor point. But he’s still there. He’s still a presence. And again, because of the problems this administration’s having filling jobs, a lot of people who served in the Bush Cheney government, particularly even in the White House people on most sophisticated staffs are still there. You simply can’t get rid of everybody, you may not even want to. Some are professional people. But Cheney is, I would never call it admiration, but, you know, formidable, yeah, this guy. This guy is the real McCoy.

Here's the audio transcipt.